I’m an only child who somewhere still thinks that the world revolves around me and what I want, and I used to be more than upset when things didn’t go my way; I’d react in a very emotional way, often with anger. However, with help from the mindfulness that I practice and teach, I’ve learnt that I can now notice that the reaction is there, and make a different choice not to express it in a reactive and emotional way. This doesn’t mean that I am totally passive now, but if there’s something to be said there are ways to say it that are more creative than reacting in anger.
Today I had an experience that’s a classic example of something that once would have pushed me over the edge in terms of my anger, and what I would have said from a very destructive place. I’ll briefly tell the story and then read a poem I’ve written.
Every few months I go to the GP surgery for an injection. The nurse is running late, and at one point tells three of us that we’re all in the queue! In a while she asks me in and explains that the medicine that she injects into me has not arrived; not only that, it hasn’t been ordered despite my clear request a week or more before. She apologises and she says she can see that I did just the right thing to order it, and she explains how cross she is, and how she is going to tell the practice that this happens too often and the system needs to be improved! We arrange for me to have the injection in a few days.
I’ve had a mixture of a long wait, and then being told that I have to come back - a tinderbox for the only child who expects things his way!!
The Appointment
He sits and waits for his appointment
It’s running late
He feels his disappointment
And the beginnings of anger and some hate
He knows there is a time when such a thing
Would push him off the edge
His voice would rise though he wouldn’t sing
He’d shout instead, lost and leaping from the ledge
There’s worse to come for when he sees the nurse
She tells him there’s no medicine for him
He notices again the part that wants to curse
And rant and rave, pulling something limb from limb
This time he knows that wouldn’t serve
Other than to make things worse for her and him
Mistakes are made, he manages to observe
There’s nothing served by ranting on a whim
It’s right that those who made this sad mistake
Are told what happened, else they’d never learn
But shout and scream, what difference would it make?
Other than make things worse, by being far too stern
He walks away knowing he is glad
Dealing like this with such a tricky thing
It makes a better life than previously he had
With love and care allowing him to sing
He knows the song won’t always be so sweet
Stuff will catch him out, reactions will begin
However when such a challenge comes to meet
He’ll pause, and notice, loving from within
